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Les Freres Jacques is the kind of place that business men like for lunch.
There's plenty of room between the tables so no one can overhear your
conversation, there are plenty of waiters and the food is reliable. When
you walk in you get an immediate impression that this is a professional
establishment where everything works exactly as it should. But then, first
impressions aren't always entirely accurate.
I sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as a racial stereotype: you
know the sort of thing - Germans are humourless and industrious, Spaniards
eat at midnight and are cruel to animals, Italians love to love and wave
their arms about, the French cook well and are arrogant. If there is any
validity in any these stereotypes, you can have one of them confirmed
for you in Les Freres Jacques.
I was there with two guests for a business lunch which I hoped to combine
with this review. This isn't terribly easy, since you have to keep stopping
the flow of conversation to think about what you're eating. If there were
no reviewing to be done, just business, then what you most want from a
restaurant is that things simply work well and unobtrusively, so that
there are no distractions from the business on hand.
We started with sparkling water at the bar before moving to the table
to read the menus. The set lunch is £13.50 and it offers three courses.
While we were reading the menus the waiter brought a tray of fish so that
we could see what was on offer. Before Christmas I was in a restaurant
in Berlin that took this technique to its logical conclusion: there was
no menu at all, you were simply shown the raw ingredients for every dish
- a nice bit of theatre. One of my guests chose the scallops from the
tray, while my other guest and I chose saucisson en croute and cod salad
from the menu as starters. We picked salmon, venison and chicken as main
courses, which seemed like a good spread of choices.
The wine list is chauvinistically weighted towards French wines, which
is what you'd expect. Plenty of Bordeaux, Burgundy, Rhone and Loire and
a few wines from Australia, Chile, Spain and New Zealand. Not one from
Italy. However it's fairly priced at a standard 100pc mark-up which is
good to see. I chose the Campo Viejo Gran Reserva '94 priced at £24.30
which was fine, but not as big as I'd hoped it might be. As the waiter
poured it for my guests, I noticed that one of them had a dirty glass.
I pointed this out to the waiter who put the glass of wine to one side,
got another from the next table and filled that. Now I don't think of
myself as a petty man, but these were large glasses and about a fifth
of the bottle was now in a dirty glass, marginalised at the edge of the
table. There was no apology that I noticed, simply a classic Gallic shrug
that seemed to suggest I was being unduly picky. Also there was now not
much left in the bottle and I had little choice but to order another.
The starters arrived, as did a basket of three different breads; tomato,
raisin and, of course, baguette - all three of which were deliciously
fresh and warm. The cod salad was mixed with potato and the plate was
drizzled with pesto. The scallops came sliced and fanned, served on a
bed of salad with a tomato sauce - a good dish. My saucisson was a fat
sausage that had been cooked en croute and I was presented with a slice
of it. Tasty enough, but an overcooked pastry shell.
The main courses were very good. Loin of venison sliced and fanned, served
with a stuffed Yorkshire pudding; a chicken breast presented on a maize
pancake that tasted far better than it looked, and a large, round salmon
steak that had me wondering how it had been cut to that shape with no
bones at all. With the salmon came what looked like a puree of potato
sprinkled with nuts, but with a taste that defied recognition. Three of
us tasted it and hazarded guesses ranging from potato and cheese to parsnips.
Eventually I asked the waiter. He shrugged. 'Pomme de terre - potato?'
he suggested. 'Maybe', I said, 'but potato and what?' He shrugged again.
I persisted. 'Can you find out?' With all the grace and charm of poilu
on the Paris Metro he went off to find out. The answer was surprising:
puree of cauliflower. You may wonder if all this questioning was worth
it just to find out about the puree, but it was, if only so that I can
avoid it in the future.
And so to the desserts. Two mousses of light and dark chocolate, which
were served with a coulis framed in a piped chocolate oblong making it
look like a painting by Mondrian. I had the steamed pudding which I thought
might bring back nostalgia for school food. It was an individual steamed
pud filled with pineapple, and to continue the analogy, was perhaps a
painting by Graham Knuttel.
Good coffee followed. I asked the waiter what kind of coffee they used.
He shrugged a magnificent shrug. 'Just coffee.' He paused to turn. I pressed
on. 'Do you know what kind it is?' He shrugged another exquisite shrug:
I thought about our previous conversation and decided that the information
wasn't worth the struggle. I mean, it would have been a small victory
for perseverance, but it wasn't going to affect my life.
So there you have it. Good food and a very take-it-or-leave- it attitude
by the waiters. I certainly got no inkling that there was an intention
to please; the attitude seems to be that the food on your plate should
be sufficient to keep you happy. There also appears to be no system in
place to deal with minor cock-ups like our dirty glass. I wondered for
a while if it might result in the offer of a post-prandial drink, but
it didn't. Our food bill, with a 12.5pc service charge, came to £51.75,
which is somewhat more than a casual glance at the menu would prepare
you for.
The food is good, the surroundings are pleasant and as long as you don't
mind the insouciant service, it's a comfortable room for a tete a tete.
But having settled a three-figure bill, I'm left with the lingering feeling
that we might have been better looked after.
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